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The current period marks a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your choice to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {